I love wheels. I’ll be the first to tell you that. I’ve had the pleasure of owning 2 sets of Volks, a set of Sprint Hart CP-R’s, some Stark Rennsports, a set of Advan RG’s, Regamaster EVO’s, 2 sets of Work wheels, and I’ve even owned a set of Rotas that someone scammed me with back before knock-offs got so popular. Am I rich? Hellllll no. Am I good looking? Definitely. Did I work my ass off, make my money, and manage to find some really good deals? Yes. I wouldn’t call myself a wheel whore, but I’ve definitely owned my fair share of wheels. Aftermarket wheels make or break your car. There’s just something about them that changes the entire look of the build. Sometimes people have beautifully built projects and completely ruin them by putting some ugly and/or cheap ass wheels on there. When I got into this whole hobby, I made a list of wheels that I always strived to have. I only have about two other sets on my list but I think I’ve been pretty fortunate to find the wheels I wanted…

There are also people out there that collect shoes. You know, like shoes for your feet. I never really caught onto it or got into it. One, because I don’t have any money anymore to go out and buy shoes every week, and two, I don’t know what it is about my walking but I can’t even step outside the house without getting my shoes dirty. Shit doesn’t make any sense. Some will say that you collect the shoes just to collect and don’t have to wear them, but I’d rather just spend that money on something I would use.

There’s also a trend that I’ve seen develop over the years where people who don’t have wheels but want to be cool guys and attempt to be wheel whores. How do you not own aftermarket wheels and become a supposed “wheel whore”? You amass a collection of OEM wheels. These people go out and collect or trade OEM wheels to attempt to “whore”. Only one word can describe this trend………….Stupid.

Allow me to throw in a football analogy. If wheel whores are the NFL, then OEM wheel hoarders aren’t even the kickers, they’re like, the practice squad of the import community. You don’t even get to play. You like, put on all the gear and pretend that you do, but you’re not on the team….you catch my drift? I can understand that some people don’t have money to buy high-priced aftermarket or “JDM” wheels. Some don’t even have money for Rotas or other cheap wheel. That’s fine. But what the fuck are you doing wasting money on some OEM wheels that are from the junkyard or something. What purpose does it serve to make your car look like something else that’s in the parking lot already? They put those wheels on everything. “I’m just trying to be unique”….No, you’re not. Let me remind you that you drive a Honda. Alot of motherfuckers drive Hondas, ALOT. I mean, ALOTT…with two T’s for extra emphasis. You’re really gonna go out there and pay for OEM wheels that old ladies and asian honor roll students have already unintentionally whored-out? You can put Fit wheels on a Civic and you know what? They’re still fucking Fit wheels. The only time you go out and buy OEM wheels is if you drive your car into a ditch or something and bend some shit, or you wake up and your car is on blocks. And even then, you can probably get some knock-offs for the same price as some OEM wheels.

Even more annoying about the trend, is the nicknames that people have come up with for these stock wheels….Let’s take a closer look:

These to the casual Honda owner, would be known as wheels off an Acura Integra GSR. What’s the cool trendy name for them? “Fat Fives”. Mostly for the 5 wide spokes. I would probably just call them GSR wheels but what the fuck do I know. I remember when I was in high school kids would put these on their Civics just because and stunt them unknowingly. I never knew that it would become the popular thing to do. People actually steal these things nowadays. Back then people used to rock two in the back and 2 black stocks in the front and that shit would just look stolen…

This particular wheel, is your average Joe Acura Integra wheel. Super trendy name? “Swirlies” or “blades”…..yeah pretty stupid. I saw some people arguing on a forum whether or not this wheel is a “blade” or a “swirly”. I might be wrong about the name but who fucking cares? Stop it already. It’s a goddamn OEM acura wheel, just call it that. I also saw a thread somewhere called “what’s your favorite OEM Honda wheel” and some guy posted a pic of this wheel and put “Pure Sex”. I don’t know about you but when I imagine having sex, I don’t think of anything as mundane as a Acura wheel. But then again, I don’t really think you should be imagining any kind of solid object while having sex. Well, other than the opposite sex, or same sex, whatever.  That is, unless you enjoy having sex with machines, which in that case, you would still be fucking up because you’re not paying attention to the machine you’re penetrating and thinking about an Acura wheel. Either way, it just doesn’t make any sense.

We know them as stock LS wheels. Super Trendy name? “Meshies”…..yeah real creative with this one. Obviously mesh wheels, you could even just call them “mesh” wheels. You know what bugs me about this wheel? People love to fuckin paint these things. You know what, you can paint them 19 different buttfucking colors, it’s still an OEM mesh wheel! It’s not gonna make it look like a Work Equip wheel and people aren’t gonna look at it and say “what the fuck wheel is that, it looks incredible?” It’s like if you took a dump, caked it in plaster and let it dry. Then spray painted it and attempted to present it as an art project. Guess what? Everyone is gonna know that it’s a piece of shit. You know what else? They’re gonna wonder why you wasted so much time painting a piece of shit and passing it off as something else.

Ahh, the ever popular Civic Si wheel. Super trendy oem wheel whore name? “Si’s” Yup, nothing really too creative about that. I would imagine you could call it 7-spokies or something or 14dividedby2equals7’s but I guess they didn’t run this wheel through the cool machine. Or sevshies, blade sevens, or mild girth 7’s, something of the sort.

I noticed that their were some OEM wheels that were neglected and never gained popularity like the goth kid at school. So I took the time to give them a trendy oem wheel whore name….

I shall call these….Kaleidoscopshies…because they look like a kaleidoscope of OEM fantasery. Yeah I’m just making up words now.

I will call these….uhh…splitstarfishes. They would look great on your 94 bubble back, with oem bra and even trendier unused bike rack.

Sit back and consider the other wheels in this post and think of what you would clal these….I will attempt to read your mind…..Let me guess….

Narrow Ten’s right? I bet you that you even went and counted the spokes too, twice in fact, because there were so many spokes that it threw you off the first time. Haha….I’m like Criss Angel, Mind Freak…but I don’t dress like a homosexual goth pirate….

What I’m really trying to say is this. Just save your money and get some decent aftermarket wheels. I mean really, with all the money you’re already spending on each set of OEM wheels, you could have gotten yourself some pretty nice wheels by now. Trust me, as long as I’ve been in this hobby, no one has ever huddled up around a car with a set of OEM wheels other than the ones that came on the car and actually was thoroughly impressed by the wheel choice. You can say that you don’t care what people think, but you know you value the opinions of others. Otherwise you wouldn’t be taking 20 poorly angled shots of your car on your new “swirlies” and throwing them up for everyone to see.

Please stop the OEM wheel whoring. To the guy/girl out there that has like 4 or more set of OEM wheels that they stunt regularly, you’re not a wheel whore. You own a junkyard.